You’re Not Alone: Memories and Trouble Sleeping

Last night was a little rough on me. I’ve been dredging up a lot of memories that I hadn’t given any thought to in years. Suddenly I was seeing the faces of my abusers in my mind, and remembering more of the painful things I experienced in the past. For a while, I thought sleep might not come.

I had to lay there and talk to myself for a while to clear my head. I kept reminding myself that I am smart, strong, brave and amazing. I gave gotten through so much. Not only have I become a survivor, now I’m speaking out, telling my stories and trying to use my past pains to prevent future abuse and help other victims become survivors.

I had to remind myself that I got them out of my head before. I conquered my fears, and I repaired my heart and soul. I am stronger than them. They can’t get back into my head or my heart unless I allow them to. They can only hurt me now if I let them. After a while, I replaced their faces with beautiful images and fell asleep.

I awoke this morning to my bird Stoli singing from his cage, and I was in the midst of a nice alternate-reality dream. I got up and got ready for the day knowing that I could continue with this project. I can keep telling my story and help other people. I can control my mind and not let the abusers take me over again. I am strong enough.

I hope that all victims of abuse out there can become survivors, and I hope that what I’m doing will help them. I hope that someday some of them also have the courage to tell their tales and help even more people. Maybe someday violence and abuse will be something that hardly ever happens. If we continue to stand up and speak out and become stronger than our tormentors, we can change the tide. We can make this a world where few will ever have to suffer like we did.

 

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