Finding Your Someone Right: Aiming Too High

Image: Public Domain, Morguefile
Image: Public Domain, Morguefile

Alright, so in my last article I mentioned the two extremes people go to when looking for a mate. Setting their standards too high or too low. Here we’re going to tackle the high side.

As I said before, people often set their standards too high because it keeps them from finding someone that may hurt them, or because they don’t know how to think realistically, which is often a result of not having a strong sense of self and having too much media and societal input.

There’s nothing wrong with aiming for someone amazing, we all want someone that we think is just fantastic. However, we need to keep some realism in there. Here are some things to keep in mind:

Take some time to get to know yourself and who you are, and make sure that your desires in a mate are really yours, and not what your parents, friends, or the media have told you to want. *You* have to be in a relationship with this person, not anyone else. It’s crucial that your standards and wants are truly your own.

Wanting to marry some celebrity is not very likely to happen. You’re probably not going to meet and marry Brad Pitt (or Megan Fox) You can, however, look for someone who has resemblances. Maybe the eyes, or the smile or the walk. Aim for that, not some celebrity, and never someone who is already with someone else.

Not everyone wants the same things. It’s completely okay to want someone who isn’t what the media tells you is hot right now. It’s okay to want someone who’s smart or curvy or skinny or funny. And no matter what society says, aiming for someone rich isn’t going to make you happy. Money doesn’t make relationships work, people in love do. Money can only distract you for a short time.

Aiming for the kind of person you’ll never be able to get isn’t going to save you from hurting. Sure, you’ll probably never get into a relationship, but that in itself will tear you apart. The desire for someone too far out of reach, the loneliness, and the needless self-sacrifice will only make you miserable. It’s much better to set your sights on a type of person you can have and be happy with. If you get hurt, you can learn and grow and move on to something better, but you’ll at least get some happiness out of it.

Most of the people I’ve encountered who set their sights too high end up miserable. Whether it’s because they’re listening to the media or trying to avoid getting hurt, it just causes pain in the long run. I believe people are better off learning about themselves, loving themselves, and looking for someone who’s just the right match for both people to be wonderfully happy together.


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